Sunday, January 29, 2017

Compartmentalized Grief

There seems to be plenty rolling around inside my head these days, but the words just don't come.  This morning I walked around the house most of the morning unintentionally with one sock on.  Only when I went to put my shoes on did I notice.  It is clear that I am not fully in this world.  I have spent much of my time rooting around in my heart; picking up pieces.

So many good intentioned people offer advice for how to get through my days.  I am new to this.  It has been 92 days, tomorrow marks three months since my husband left this world.  Continually adjusting, feeling my way forward in darkness and in light, this is my unique journey.  

This week, I have compartmentalized my grief.  In the stillness I cry, created time devoted to face whatever comes.  Wave of emotions still come to me through the day in my workplace, in the car or while I revisit our favorite walks. Ceremoniously expressing my grief appears to make life manageable while I continue to live and fulfill my responsibilities.  Curiously and gratefully I step ahead each day recreating me and building a new normal.

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