Understanding

It has been ten years.  Some days it feels like ten long, long years while other times the memories are so fresh.  I used to like to take his strong hands in mine, his fingers just the right size-not too big and not too small.  Inside work for most of his adult life saved his hands from the hard, harsh labor that many hands are subjected.  His palms soft and smooth, while the tops of his hands were free of excess wrinkles or age spots.   He cared for his outer self, visiting the barber regularly, nails trimmed, cuticles pushed back and he seldom lived a day with stubbly whiskers.

Ironically, self-care does not come as naturally for me, as it did for my father.  My hair is cut short in a no fuss wave, my back needs regular itching attention because of dry skin and I barely recognize my wrinkly hands as my own.  I take care of the most important, or at least try.  Most of the time, I eat three meals a day with plenty of vegetables, nuts, beans, poultry, fish and fruit.  Walking in the woods or along the sandy beach makes me happy.  I stimulate my mind through reading and am working to develop my creativity through writing, drawing and painting.  It is always a trick to balance my spirituality, health, intellect and creativity with the needs of others. 

I have fallen short of living my life with intention and mindfulness when engaged in tasks related to self.  Only recently, have realized this impatience.  There is always so much to do, before I finish one task I am thinking of the next.  My movements are efficient, fast and often are not executed mindfully.  If my Oral B toothbrush was not electronically controlled, I would zip through two minutes of brushing in thirty seconds flat.

Just the other day, I registered for the 21- Day Meditation Challenge with Oprah and Deepak Chopra and completed the first day yesterday.  For a few years now, I have started and sputtered with meditation.  Faithfully, for months, I did it twice a day, with positive results.  I still lived with stress, but somehow I was able to deal with it easier.

It is true, I will always have challenges in my life and I will always be responsible for taking good care of myself.  As I prepare to participate in Day 2 of this challenge, I acknowledge that I am who I am and tomorrow I will wake with new understanding.