My Companion

I don't own a full length mirror.  I did when I was younger.  It was a flimsy one purchased at a big box store held together with staples and cardboard.  So for more than thirty years, I have only viewed my body from the neck up.  It only fed my desire to avoid the difficult image of my obesity.  Unhealthy and willing to put off what needed to be done, that is until I was psychologically ready or maybe too sick to have any choice.  With a mirror that only reflected a smile, I was able to eat all the chocolate, cookies and ice cream I wanted.  

Having lost hundreds of pounds at various times before, only to have gained it all back; today as I get closer and closer to my goal weight, I recognize that fear is clutching onto my wrist holding me tight.  I cannot go back to the aches and pains that came with carrying 60 extra pounds.  Many hours were spent in my recliner with my legs elevated to ease the swelling.  Stairs made me breathless and hurt my knees.  These symptoms are gone.  I am choosing to focus on all the things that are possible due to my health.  Perhaps my resolve and strength to recommit to myself each day will allow the fear of success and fear of failure to whisper ways I can use this dreaded emotion to help me succeed.  

Perhaps I will be shopping for a new mirror...as I embrace all of me including my companion fear.