Saturday, May 13, 2017


Facing Thanksgiving, Christmas and birthdays are hard enough; I was not prepared today for the constant heartache during such an important family celebration-my daughter's college graduation. Both my husband and I were so very proud of our daughter who was able to hold her own engaging in medical talk with the specialists at Dana Farber and Brigham and Women's.  Jerry and I were quickly lost in their consultation necessitating that Gabrielle skillfully translate day after day and week after week during our month-long stay.  We were forever grateful for her capacity to grasp a depth of medical knowledge elusive to us.   We are forever grateful for her ability to love and support us through one of the most difficult times in our relationship, preparing for the untimely end of my husband's life.

Today Gabrielle earned a Bachelor's Degree in Nursing.  Today I am carrying the lightness of elation as well as the somber, "'God, I miss my husband'-grief." Moments of empty silence throughout the day inflated my sorrow.

I prayed often.  I whispered to my husband to give me strength-crying in private, while smiling and laughing celebrating the accomplishment of our remarkable daughter.   Her father's death is shaping us both;  I know she is destined for great things. My husband always knew this.


Mary Ann Reilly said...

These moments, events really that are most often celebrations are tinged with a sadness. Something you and your husband made is now graduating and he isn't here. I feel this often. When Dev got accepted into the college of his choice. When he went to the prom last year. When he got his driver's license. And I imagine I will feel that bittersweet joy-loss when he graduates in a few weeks from high school.

I too try to cry in private.

travelinma said...

I am not sure how to withstand the deep sorrow these days bring. I cling to the hope that the grief will soften. Sending you big hugs in the weeks ahead.