On Saturday, our middle daughter graduated with a Bachelor's Degree in Nursing. She put herself through school (with her husband's help) while working part-time or full-time. I'd say that is quite a feat. Although joyous, the day pulsed with sorrow-missing my husband. The conflict of emotions was palatable. How great it would have been for him to be with us. His laugh loud, I imagined his arms wrapping around our daughter, kisses marking her forehead, "I am so very proud of you. You've worked so hard," he would draw her close. How does one parent make up for the other's sudden absence? I don't think this is possible. I am me and I am not him.
I am the more practical, level-headed; I bet my kids would categorize me as boring in comparison to their father. Feeling sad and a bit inadequate without him, blinking through tears, I look up and ahead spot a whole truck solely dedicated to Ritz Crackers. Don't you think this is odd? That was my first reaction and then it reminded me how much my husband loved Ritz. He would sit and eat a sleeve of the buttery crackers at a time. The message is fun. Fun can be infused into my life. Spontaneity can still be a part of my life too. So can joy.
Then I remembered the first minutes of this day. After a few slobbery kisses across my nose and lips from my dog Rex, he rolled over for a rub and wagged his tail furiously, batting it across my face. I laughed out loud. My head resting back on the pillow, I smiled. Immediately my thought was, "I am happy. It is a new day." My husband's philosophy: Each day we are given is a gift. He taught me so much, among the lessons...infuse each day with fun-each day is indeed a gift. I certainly digested Ritz's public service announcement. Thanks Jerry.
6 comments:
Congratulations to your daughter. It is a feat to work and do school, & doing all the "other" things. I'm sure your husband is looking down and is proud just as you are. And he's laughing at you, finding the Ritz truck and some joy too. What a fun thing to have happen!
Linda, We still have a high schooler at home. That in itself is a challenge being the only "taxi" now. We always shared this responsibility!!! I will be seeking some fun all through the day today.....just because of that truck!!! Thanks for checking in.
Funny how sometimes we see a message (like the one on the back of the truck) and it reshapes our thinking/our days.
Congratulations on your daughter finishing her nursing degree!
Stacey, It was certainly a well-timed message!
I find it amazing that just when we need something to give us a spark, it suddenly appears. Glad that you found joy today and yes, I agree with your husband - each day is a gift and we need to enjoy it fully. Kudos to your daughter! Hugs
So much moves through us as we are confronted minute by minute with remembrances of our husbands. These lines are so important:
"How does one parent make up for the other's sudden absence? I don't think this is possible. I am me and I am not him."
I wonder how I can possibly fill the void and realize now that I cannot. My son will hurt. I hate that and wish I could save him this sorrow.
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