Able to juggle the schedule of a household of nine to ten people, plus hold the responsibilities of teaching full time, I was always thankful for my memory, an ability to move herds of people and capable of finding tools to keep me organized. (I use the label organized loosely, however, but that is another posting.) I have found that my brain is not functioning optimally these days, but it is getting better.
My knowledge of grief began in college and is based upon Kubler-Ross' work studying terminal patients. Since Kubler-Ross broke the silence on the subject of grief, for years her stages of grief were utilized for grieving survivors as well as patients. Grief is not a linear path, nor is it the same for each person. When my parents died almost fifteen years ago, I thought that one day I would get over it. And now in the aftermath of my husband's death, for me I am discovering that it is not something I can muscle through, but that I will be forever changed and will continue to evolve and adjust no longer as a couple, but as an individual, capable of joy and gratitude. I can continue to dance and learn to do it with a limp.
I like Anne Lamotte's take on grief:
“You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”
With grief comes self-discovery. For the first few months, I could barely converse, losing memory of what I was trying to say mid-sentence. I was understandably preoccupied. The problem I found, there was so much to be done and it seems that everything is time sensitive and high stakes. Undertakers, lawyers, insurance companies, and are all categorized as important, BIG deals. I needed my head on straight to make the best decisions for me and my family.
Yes, prayer helps. Physical activity helps as does getting enough rest. Family, friends and the community at large rallied around us. All of this helped me get through each day, but I needed a
peripheral brain. Here enters the Bullet Journal; life changing for me.
I cannot say enough about how it has helped me break down big tasks and beat back waves of feeling overwhelmed. If offers the chance to write down monthly, weekly and daily goals and appointments. For fun, I keep track of birds I have observed and the weather. My favorite musical artists are listed as are movies to watch, books to read and a diary of what I eat. Extensive financial pages include a budget, an expense journal and a savings plan. It is my everything journal. The beauty of the Bullet Journal is that it can become whatever is useful for you, it is adaptable. For me the Bullet Journal frees my brain from storing everything I need to remember.
If you want to learn more about
Bullet Journals, I highly recommend you start here. There are plenty of ideas on Pinterest and Bullet Journal groups on Face Book. Let me know what you think. It just might shake up your world.
