Lately, I contemplate life while I sift through the cat box. Really.
My husband's sense of smell was pretty weak, so I would mention that the cat box was odorous.
"Your turn. I did it last time. As a matter of fact I've done it for the last three times," my voice is balance between firm and sickly sweet. I feign that my attention is fully spent on the book I am reading, but I am really waiting for him to pounce on the cat box, watching him out of the corner of my eye.
Nothing.
"Wow," a few minutes later I just can't help it, "I know that you can't smell a thing, but it really, really stinks." My voice changes to understanding and pleading.
I glance over to my husband. I am not sure he has even heard me. His nose is in a book.
Tonight, I contemplate my suddenly changed life as I sift the cat box. How I miss my husband. He did his fair share of cat box duty. I am sure of it.
8 comments:
Oh yes...it is in those everyday things that really didn't mean much at the time but mean everything now....changing the kitty litter, turning on the water for tea, taking a load to Goodwill.... As I read your post, I was both happy for you for the memories and sad for your loss....
Barb, this post really struck home with me. Ever since my eyesight problems, Chuck has taken over the cat boxes...and we have 6 for 7 cats! I never really appreciated it until he was in the hospital for a few days a few years ago. I thought wow, so this is what I have been missing! NOT! It was the same thing for taking the dogs out at night...I hate that too! It's a fenced in yard but it is still creepy out there! It's a very good thing I love my cats and dogs...and so does Chuck! I think of you often, my friend,and hope you are enjoying the many memories you have of an outstanding guy! <3
Those little tasks that we don't think much about until we have to take them over. Praying that your writing is helping you through your loss. I love the pictures that you post each day with your slices. Thanks. Hugs
It is funny/poignant how all those things we thought we did more of than our husbands equals out now. I find myself thinking about the laundry, or when I still needed to pick up Devon or take him places, or grocery shopping, etc. Now none of that equal stuff matters. And I too am sure Rob did more than enough--truly.
I understand so well... so many "little" things that were shared can feel "big" when you now do them on your own. But you keep going. You do keep going. Take comfort.
Anita: Yes everything takes on new significance now, you are right. I have the best memories and the knowledge of a deep deep, true love. I am blessed.
Linda: It is amazing how I realize all the little things he did (and the big) without complaining. I complain plenty!!!
Judy: I discovered slowly all the things I had to do. Maybe it is protective after the death, you feel numb and can't think and do much. The knowledge came slowly as I needed to know. I am grateful.
Mary Ann-I think of the little squabbles....loading and unloading the dishwasher, taking the trash out, changing the cat box. It doesn't matter so much now. I would be a much "easier" wife to live with. I hope he forgives me. ;) Rob and Jerry did more than enough.
Diane: I don't have any choice but to keep going. Most days are OK, exhausting, but OK. I am receiving much love from all directions.
THANKS FOR READING AND COMMENTING EVERYONE! BARBARA aka travelinma
I think I need to thank my husband for doing his fair-share more often. (I'm the cook and he's the dishwasher.) Sometimes I wish he'd fold more laundry, especially when it finishes before bedtime, but when I think about it, he does his part just like your husband did his.
Sending hugs!
Stacey, I am reminded everyday about all that my husband did. I seem to remember reading about how important it is to be grateful for your spouse and what they do. It sure makes a lot of sense.
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