Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Solo Journey

It is just after 5 am and my husband is in the kitchen clanging around pots and pans in an attempt to leave the house with empty sinks.  What a dear.  Meanwhile I have cats one after another padding across my lap and a little dog nearly draped across my neck.  Even at this unreasonably  early hour (for me anyway), I am not alone.  I am seldom alone.

A few summers ago, I picked up an article about how one woman would  regularly backpack into the wild and spend days completely alone.  While this has appeal, it also terrifies me.  I am not entirely sure why just thinking about it makes me shake like a bowl of jello.   I spend so little time alone; being so dependent on the company and whits of others to solve problems and contemplate life.  Could I do it?  Am I afraid of discovering parts of myself that might rear their ugly heads?

During the last six months, I have discovered and rediscovered myself.  I don't give up easily.  On the other hand knowing when to quit can be a good thing.  There is also a bit of rigidity to my routines particularly when it comes to exercise.  I try to seek balance.  Self care takes a continuous effort and requires time.  It doesn't come to be second nature for me.  Somedays, I resent that I have to work so hard each day for me.  Fortunately those days are few. I tend to take life moment by moment.

This journey is akin to being alone in the forest.  With the help of a few people who guided me to the path and gave me some tools to proceed, I have weathered the storms of self.  Living in the present moment has helped me to accept what is. Learning to listen to my body while listening to my inner voice allows the pause to make choices that will support me.  I am the decision maker.  I am the only one on this unique path.  Strong, healthier, confident and content  I might just plan an extended time in the woods by myself this summer.  It is curious to think of how each of our journeys is unique and in reality solo.  No one can do it for you.  There comes a point where you have to trust yourself. And live each moment.

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